(Sorry to the folks who want to read about Korean language, but this is going to be a personality blog post.)
I cannot focus.
I seldom verbalize what I think because there’s way too many disorganizing floating thoughts to get them out. When I do, they ALL fight to get airtime. And after I do, there are still some afterthought late comers who still want to get airtime!
Scumbag Extraverted Intuition
(Read more about extraverted intuition here. Read the rest of this post to see how damaging it is)
You might have read that INFPs are gifted writers. I disagree (for myself). I always procrastinate/avoid writing because I’m always writing extremely lengthy, roundabout things that begin with a range of general to very specific intention but regardless end up completely off point 500km from where I want to end up, which is very bad for business.
A very graphic way to describe how good companion, but scumbag Extraverted Intuition affects my thoughts is when I am at A, trying to get to B that’s probably 50 cm away (not even D!) and in the short distance it takes to walk from A to B, suddenly, like Alice in wonderland fashion, grass grows spontaneously; every leaf blade a different colour and texture and some even shiny! and then flowers grow too! and everything that looks remotely like they belong to Alice in wonderland (Trees! Bugs! Clouds! Pathways! Weirdos! Dark holes! Slenderman! Pewdiepie!) suddenly pops in as I travel cm by cm to B, suddenly 50 cm becomes 5km and I’ve shrunk in size or something because why are there bubbles? and is B even important? What is the purpose of B? We have to explore to the END of everything in this place before we get to B! Holy shit, a flying penguin on a cloud.. what is this cloud made of? Why do clouds hold water and why aren’t they shaped like a tank? and of course, there is no end, and B remains just as far as C, D, E. While everybody has scaled the M and gone down to Q, I’ll be stuck at A-B limbo, wondering about Z and maybe the existence of the next letter after Z.
Now imagine all this shit happening internally and you have to use your human mouth to narrate and communicate getting from A to B. You have a choice of going ashore (boring human world where most actions take place) or staying submerged under water (mental fun world of endless possibilities)..
Even physically moving from seat to toilet is forcing the INFP self to be half submerged, to remain somewhat conscious to operate the body to get up, walk auto pilot and navigate body into toilet cubicle. I’ve been known to talk and apply ‘auto fade out’ mid sentence because I’ve gone too far down the rabbit hole I lost trail and consciousness of verbally where I left off, and I’m in the middle of a very exciting new thought.
Worse is small talk and actually talking; you’d have to do things like look at the other party, have a facial expression that matches the mood (I don’t have spare mental powers to arrange my face for varied expressions, so let’s just settle on one expression fits all – the ‘no expression’ expression), listen (not jump off several cliffs of ideas as they introduce a new topic! or worse, talk about trivial everyday things) and not get caught about the fact that I’m not actually really listening…JESUS.
Writing’s worse! It allows a chance for all 50k thoughts to fight to get to the surface-
DAMMIT. MY ‘SHORT’ EXPLANATION ABOUT HOW I THINK JUST GOT TOO LONG.
When it gets to this point, usually I just go ‘fuck it’, and these fantasies, sub sub sub sub to the thousandth thought will eventually fly away and cease to be. If I try to write something, you can be sure ‘sub sub sub sub to the thousandth thought’ will get all their mothers, fathers, great grandfathers and all their distant relatives and adopted cats to see if they can get published too, the greedy fuckers they are..
Just so you know, I actually intended to write an almost wordless post on my fav INFP links and blogs I read. Look where I ended up ;_;