My solo trip to Seoul was eventful. made me think about life, when I was truly alone, and having to troubleshoot my own problems, feeling home sick and lonely, feeling excited and curious, trying to tackle my weaknesses of bad sense of direction + introversion, I had to look for people and make friends, it was short, tiring, eventful but worth it. Since I’m usually a person who imagines her way into all sorts of crazy fantasies, actually living it made me realize how certain things may not live up to expectations (the loneliness was overwhelming for one, I realized I’ve been too sheltered in a convenient world of Singapore, another would be a general loss of direction), but I’ve got more in me than I think I do.. Looking at how another high tech but Confucian society lives as compared to Singapore, I came back home and became contemplative. It was really curious why that happened. I couldn’t explain it. That’s why I had not blogged like most excited bloggers would do about their trips.
I had and had not enjoyed it?
I dunno. It’s a strange mix of experiences that seem surreal now I think about it. I’m still digesting them, even though technically I’ve not done much, apart from wander the streets of Myungdong unnoticed, getting a scary swollen arm illness, going out of Seoul on a short day trip to visit the start of Han River called Dumulmeori (두물머리) at Yangsuri before having my one only good sneaker I brought die on me on my way back, going to a huge meet up filled with language learners (Holy shit, i almost shat my pants), eating and shopping alone (surprisingly boring for me. Shopping that is.) feeling unfriendly glances, uninterested faces, the busy crowd of Seoul that is consumed in their own activities. People usually go about their day routinely, not thinking so much about going to places, eating, doing because it became automatic, but I was really out of my comfort zone, being in a new strange environment. To be honest, I was even disappointed in myself for not being able to speak a squeak of Korean in Korea due to self consciousness and my loss of nerves. I felt like an observer who is out of her body looking at people, places and things but keenly aware of the fact that I am the person who has to take care of myself, food, getting there,
Yes, you can call me spacey and impractical, and that I live in my head all the time (what do you mean you can’t even find food go places and make friends? I’m an INFP, I’m naturally bad at things like socializing, experiencing things in the moment. I forget how I lose things, can’t read maps efficiently, get anxiety often..my family and friends are Thinkers and Judgers of the MBTI test, they’ve always known what to do, how to get to places, made decisions..). I won’t apologize for being myself, I believe in good imagination, but yes, this trip made me think about so many more things I have to focus on, including, working on my weaknesses. I came back to Singapore and felt like a small failure and was at loss in life. I’ve done all the things I wanted to do and work on in my goals for 2013, what next? I’m lost!! Why am I still working in my company? Should I change? What am I doing with my life?! It was a scary experience.
LOL. I understand my experience is laughable to some, most even. I dunno.. lol. I’m silly, for sure. A independent woman wannabe who realizes ‘HOLY SHIT, THE WORLD IS BIGGER AND SCARIER THAN I THOUGHT *runs home to hide* 😛 That’s why I need to work on being independent asap! I’ll slowly share my experiences when I get to them. HEHE.